Monday, December 26, 2005

Happy birthday, Ivana!

That's my other grandmother, dad's mum. She passed away when I was about 10 - she drowned in the river near our home. We still are not sure if it was a suicide or an accident, but first one is more possible. Her body was never found. I have been imagining for years that she was still alive, watching people carefully to be sure not to miss her face and hoping she comes back one day. She didn't, of course.

She was a very charismatic person that left impression on anyone who met her. Many people think she was weird - but she was just different; special; extraordinary. I still hear from my family members that I am a lot like her... their main stress is on the "weird" part, but they have no idea how happy I am to hear such a remark.

She was an artist with a gentle and romantic soul who was never able to find another real meaning of life after my grandfather died at the end of WWII. She carried his love inside through all the struggles that came for her and her two children after the war. It's obvious from her diary entries, which she has been writing for more than 30 years (and my dad has them all; he just don't let me read them - but sometimes, when no one was around, I would sneak to his cabinet and read her words) that she never forgot her husband and that she loved him till her last day here on earth. It's a story about love that never died...

Though I would define myself as an atheist (perhaps agnostic would be better definiton), I know she's up there somewhere, dancing on a cloud with my grandfather. And I'm sure she knows I still think of her sometimes.

And whenever I hear Don McLean's Vincet (Starry Starry Night), I think of her.

For they could not love you,
But still your love was true.
And when no hope was left in sight
On that starry, starry night,
You took your life, as lovers often do.
But I could have told you, Vincent,
This world was never meant for one
As beautiful as you.

Happy birthday, granny! I wish you would have been with us longer - but you still live in my heart and my memory.

1 comment:

Karen said...

A very sad story.
She was a very beautiful woman - you resemble her a bit too.